My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
