so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
