i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Everything about him screamed your future.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
