roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
