We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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