Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
