Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
