First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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