I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have tasted many bathrooms
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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