no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
