conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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