So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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