I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
