So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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