im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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