1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
