Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
