I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
