Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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