I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
