I want to make a zoo with you.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
