i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
