bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
