Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
