I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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