i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
