just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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