Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
