Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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