She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
