just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize