please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
