I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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