I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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