just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
