so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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