You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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