remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize