I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
