Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm

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  (650): Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm http://tfl.nu/tho2
  Replies (19) Good night (1459) Bad night (704)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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  (612): I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school. http://tfl.nu/cnqq
  Replies (88) Good night (941) Bad night (11109)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.

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  (312): I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/bqr4
  Replies (5) Good night (2097) Bad night (645)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.

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  (301): just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month. http://tfl.nu/ntmv
  Replies (13) Good night (3366) Bad night (809)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.

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  (703): theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already. http://tfl.nu/gg0y
  Replies (11) Good night (2615) Bad night (818)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.

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  (402): In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/rvi7
  Replies (11) Good night (1038) Bad night (4107)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.

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  (414): oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv. http://tfl.nu/ywog
  Replies (7) Good night (4029) Bad night (821)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.

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  (401): All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well. http://tfl.nu/04zy
  Replies (5) Good night (1302) Bad night (557)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.

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  (502): New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday. http://tfl.nu/wghi
  Replies (6) Good night (1998) Bad night (771)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  So the keyword here is "hammered"?

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  (404): And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right? (1-404): So the keyword here is "hammered"? http://tfl.nu/1kxs
  Replies (1) Good night (1406) Bad night (383)
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  (619): View more from California

  Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it

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  (619): Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it http://tfl.nu/a0r3
  Replies (1) Good night (995) Bad night (303)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.

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  (803): I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at. http://tfl.nu/pwf4
  Replies (4) Good night (1010) Bad night (413)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.

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  (206): I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it. http://tfl.nu/fi43
  Replies (1) Good night (884) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude

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  (724): Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude http://tfl.nu/f4au
  Replies (1) Good night (329) Bad night (520)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?

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  (503): A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong? http://tfl.nu/1dai
  Replies (10) Good night (602) Bad night (317)

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