So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
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the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again