Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
