I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
