me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!