i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
