no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.