you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
