So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.