Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
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and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.