hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
