I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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