Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
