A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
