My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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