I met the friendliest cop last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
