i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have fence marks all over my body
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
