i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
