At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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