she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
