from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
3 2 1 whiskey
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
