Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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