literally had 100 drinks last night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
