so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
