When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Randomize
