im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize