I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
