there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
