she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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