I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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