after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
