If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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