Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
