dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
