"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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