My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
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for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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