Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
