I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
