Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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