Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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