Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
