one two three fourrrrnication!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
