Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
