Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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