WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
