He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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