Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
