I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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