brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
