I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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